The Recess... (welcome to the alcoves of my mind)

Pirates stole my good movie.

Ok, so I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.

Now you’d think that a movie with this:



This:



And something as cool as this:



Couldn’t lose.

Yea, you’d be wrong.

It blew. It was the ONE movie I figured they couldn’t screw up, and they managed to do it. And they had it too. You could tell. It was right there, handed to them on the silver platter that was the original, and they still blew it.

The whole thing smacked of a fourth place finish in an Olympic figure skating competition: even though all the technical elements were there, the lack of style and creativity was palpable. You could almost see the director sitting in the editing room with a clipboard, watching the final product for the first time:


$40 million dollars worth of special effects – check!

Overly-choreographed sword-fighting scene – check!

Gross-looking undead creatures with crazy powers – check!

Jack Sparrow acting all Keith Richards-like in a way that is odd yet endearing – check!

Female presence that successfully straddles the line between butch and damsel in distress – check!

"Ok folks, lets not busy ourselves with things like plot and proper character development…I think we’re done here."


I mean, there’s using the success of an original masterpiece to get people into the theatres, and then there’s assuming that people will still love the second movie because you’ve used all the same elements with none of the pizzazz! It was simply unacceptable.

Anyway, by all means, go see it if you enjoy the franchise and aren’t expecting much. The action scenes are entertaining enough, and Johnny Depp still pulls off a funny—if not a little too over-acted—Jack Sparrow.

But ye be warned: the entire movie is a two-hour long segue-way between the original and what is “expected” (and I use that term very loosely now) to be the eye-popping climax of the final instalment. If you’ve still got hope for Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (due out in early 2007), then it’s probably a good idea to take a gander. If not, however, save your money and two hours of your life that could be better spent finding real treasure: a sequel that actually lives up to the original.

posted by Megan at 11:33 a.m.